2 days ago I jumped in the car on a day that seemed to start like any other… Seconds from pulling out of my drive way though I heard the news of Jim Stynes passing as Kate Langbroek read a statement from his wife on the radio. Moments later, I was pulled over on the side of the road with tears streaming rather uncontrollably down my face. Jim Stynes was definitely a legend of our community, he was a gentleman of the football field, a hero to the ailing MFC and a pillar in our community, helping those less fortunate and raising awareness for their plight. He is an inspiration and I hope his legacy lives on.
However, I didn’t know Jim Stynes personally, so whilst I felt like it was a tragic loss, I couldn’t quite work out why it had me in such a fragile state. I sent a text to one of my brothers to see if he had heard the news and to inform him I was sitting on the side of the road in tears and I couldn’t work out why. He was at work, and also a little emotional which was not ideal in the workplace and we established that this particular piece of news had probably hit a little too close to home for us.
Jim Stynes was a relatively young man, he was an athlete, he was a father and husband, he was someone who gave to his community. Now, she may not have played AFL football, but we have an aunt who was fit and athletic, is a wife and mother, gives to the community and is in her mid 40’s and she too is battling this ugly disease. In fact, our aunt and grandmother (her mother) are both courageously fighting and inspiring us every step of the way.
When my beloved aunt Deb was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer almost 4 years ago our family was rocked to its core. Like most people we knew very little about this ‘silent killer’ and refused to believe the bleak statistics that were put before us. With the alternative being a complete meltdown I went into research mode, scouring university resources, reading pages upon pages of clinical trial information, looking for anything that would make sense. All through those terrible initial weeks I kept having this one thought that was very odd, but also made me feel like such a terrible person… 95% of the time I was angry and confused and couldn’t work out why this had happened to someone so fit and healthy and young… the other 5% thought if this was going to happen to one of us Deb was the one who would be brave enough and strong enough to beat the Cancer into submission…
And then remission came…
And then… 2 years after initial diagnosis and just weeks before Deb and my uncle were due to fly out for an anniversary trip to Italy that had been postponed due to Cancer mark 1, I got a call from Deb one Friday afternoon saying she had something to tell me. When I put the phone down my brother, seeing the look on my face, asked what had happened. As I finished telling him the Cancer battle had not yet been won, his response was “I have something to tell you”… I will never forget that instant, nauseating, heart pumping in your ears feeling I got when he spoke those words. He had been sworn to secrecy until Mum had time to see me (If you’ve ever watched ‘Brothers & Sisters’, picture the Walker family and you will understand who we are!) but our Nonna (grandmother) had also just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and was going in for surgery. How was this even possible? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, these are good people… these are people I love and adore and can’t live my life without… yep, I had a tantrum… what else was there to do. And then I picked myself up and moved in to help look after my cousin whilst Deb had treatment, because that’s what we have to do – keep going.
Last January I flew to Sydney with my aunt and grandmother (at that stage both back in remission) as my mum lay in hospital recovering from a preventative hysterectomy, for a photo shoot with Women’s Day and to film a segment for “Morning’s with KAK”… We were a feature of 3 generations touched by Ovarian Cancer in a ‘Teal’ special for awareness month. As long as I live (and now the tears are back!!) I will never forget that day and how unbelievably brave and inspirational these two women in my life are. Deb has become a tireless beacon in the plight to raise awareness, and my amazing grandmother who is not at all confident in her English speaking ability spoke on camera about something so terrifying with such bravado.
Each woman has used the other (and their families) as a reason to keep fighting, and whilst it is not something any mother/daughter duo should have to go through together, I believe having someone so close who truly understands how it feels has helped them both along.
Both of these tremendous women are no longer in remission… back on the ‘cancer merry-go-round’ as we call it and we have no idea what the future holds. My heart rate sky rockets and tears spring instantly to my eyes when I think about the milestones in my life that I might not get to share with 2 of my most inspiring and my most cherished people, but in the mean time we take every day as it comes. As a family we have had our fair share of ups and downs, but at the end of the day there is a tremendous amount of love and that is what counts. We have learnt to laugh about the tough stuff, a favourite that has now spread even beyond our family is ‘dory brain’ a name I lovingly gave Deb during her first round of chemo when she was forgetting everything (a la Dory from ‘Finding Nemo’), we appreciate the little things, we take that overseas trip NOW rather than putting it off til next year and most recently have started taking insurance out on things like theatre and concert tickets because you just never know what is going to happen!! And possibly most importantly, we raise awareness… we talk about this insidious disease, we talk about body awareness, do interviews, write blog posts, attend and spread the word about fun runs and fundraising events… you name it, we’ll do it in the hope that one day others won’t have to live the same fight.
My sincere thoughts and prayers go out to not only the family and friends of Jim Stynes but to everyone else who has lost a loved one this way… it is the most frustrating, hopeless feeling to love someone who is suffering, but if they depart us knowing you loved them, I believe you have done everything you could and all they would have asked for.
Love, Nat
xx
**The images in this post are from the article featured in the ‘Teal Ribbon Issue’ of Australia’s ‘Woman’s Day’ in Feb 2011
*** for more information on Ovarian Cancer please head to http://www.ovariancancer.net.au
Related articles
- Vale Jim Stynes. A towering figure and a great, great man (thepunch.com.au)
lifeaccordingtonat 
Beautifully written. It was wonderful meeting all of you at the photoshoot, and terribly sad knowing that two people from such a lovely family have had to fight this disease. Your solidarity as a family is inspirational. Love to you all x
Thank you Julie! Hope you are doing well x
Lovely words Nat your are also courageous for speaking out and raising awareness – you go girl! x
Thanks Karen, you too are an inspiration for all that you do and it is so appreciated x
Netanya, the world is a much better place for having you share yourself… you must keep the light alive for Deb and Nonna… it’s women like you who are making a difference in our world, our hearts are heavy for Jim and his family… but you are right, we must live our lives and do it NOW, not later, for the future is unknown… we can only make sure that whilst we are here we can love, laugh and keep our loved ones close… you’re an inspiring woman yourself, young lady!!
Tracy, you and the others who have helped make up Deb’s support network have been so important… Thank you x
Netanya, my family is also affected by this silent killer…something we were only made aware of in 2009 when my mother was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. Her only symptom was in the few months beforehand she went off favourite foods like fish! and she thought she was developing a small paunch. She fought her battle for 2 years and that was 2 years longer than what the doctors gave her even after the 5 hour surgery. My sister and i have both had pre-cancer scares; my sister having 5 tumours removed. I also spread the word and want more women to understand and know about this disease; how even the healthiest, like my mum, can be struck down by something like this. When she was diagnosed, she asked was there something she should have changed, done differently in her lifestyle. The doctor had tears in her eyes when she said, “No, this cancer always seems to get the ‘nice ones'”. Extraordinary.
Cheryl, I’m so sorry for you loss. Thank you for sharing your story as well – it is hard, but it is the only way for us to try and make others aware of it. My thoughts are with you and your family